Hey, It's Not About You!
November 5, 2009 by Julie
Filed under Coaching, Home Party, Sponsoring, Team Building
In coaching school they basically teach you how to listen. Sometimes I think it's comical that I spent over $4000.00 and a whole year to become a certified coach basically learning how to listen! It has got to be one of the toughest skills you'll ever attempt to perfect because we as human beings tend to be sort of self centered. We'll be quiet while the other person takes their turn to talk, but we're basically just waiting until it's our turn to talk again (because what we have to say is infinitely more interesting than what the other person is saying). So even though we may be quietly nodding, we're not really hearing what the other person is saying. We're figuring out what we're going to say once it's our turn again. And yet, if you can truly master the art of listening, your life and business will change.
One of the best ways to learn to listen is to become curious. Start asking questions. We call them powerful or open ended questions in coaching. Whether you're visiting with a host during a host coaching appointment, connecting with guests at the beginning of your parties, or coaching the representatives on your team, asking powerful questions will completely change your results. A powerful question is one that's open ended and allows the person being asked to imagine and expand their answer. Using a question like "How would your life change if you decided to join my team?" is much more powerful than "Would you like to learn more about my opportunity?" (And just FYI, if a question can be answered with a yes or no, it's not open ended).
Get it? So start listening to yourself. Are you mostly talking about yourself or asking questions about other people? And when you are asking questions, are they powerful and open ended, leading the person you're asking into greater possibility, or closed ended, yes or no questions? Believe me, the more you make it about them and forget about yourself, the more effective you'll be as a communicator.
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You’re speakin’ my language, Nicole (as always!) Love, love, love your insights. It’s so obvious why you’re successful, and you have so much to teach! Thanks for the input!
I always say there's a reason God gave us TWO ears and ONE mouth…so we can spend TWICE as much time listening as we do talking! Learn to listen at your parties and you'll find that identifying your next hostesses or team members gets REALLY easy. They are actually "telling" you exactly why they need your opportunty or to have a party if your listening. Doing too much talking creates confusion and a confused mind will shut down and say "NOOOOOO!" So listen…you'll probably be shocked at what you can learn (and sometimes things you didnt want or need to know) at a party!
In regards to coaching with your team…I love the phrase "BE CURIOUS." Get curious and ask questions! I do it all the time… and actually use those words: "I'm curious…how many parties is a full schedule for you? I'm curious, what is you average show attendence? I'm curious, what is your heart telling yo to do?" See how easy that is! No one knows more about your team mate then they do…so if you want to know: ASK.
I use that method as well, Janette.
Good article! There’s a misconception that sales people are great talkers and I used to think that too. We need to be great at making ourselves visible and extending ourselves to people we don’t know but to effectively sell … we need to work on truly listening. I like repeating method as it tells me that I’m really listening (smile).
I agree completely, Jhanna. I’ts the hardest thing I’ve ever had to learn (and I’m still working on it!).
I’ve been working so hard on listening and it’s HARD! lol…
That small change of wording in your question above is powerful. I’m going to remind myself to change my questions to open ended questions and really pay attention to how it changes the conversation.
You’re awesome, Julie Anne! Thank you so much for all you do!
In Gratitude,
Jhanna Dawson